Wednesday, February 9, 2011
PARENTING FLOP
Though we count our blessings daily (1.Laura, 2.Ellie, 3.Jessie, and 4.Caleb), I don't really need to tell you that parenting is hard work. More than anything else we want to do a good job raising our kids...giving them a solid foundation for the years that lay ahead of them. We want to teach them to make good choices (on their own accord), show love and respect for others, be honest in all their dealings with people, and follow God with all their hearts. Our biggest goal for our children is that they would love God's Word so that their lives will be filled with peace, joy, and abundant blessings from their heavenly Father. As parents (and humans with a sin nature) we often make mistakes and regret having taken certain courses of action in regards to the training and correction of our children. Other times we act out of anger or impatience, portraying a less-than-Godly example. This can be rather disheartening since we all know that our kids learn best by watching us (they "do-as-I-do" better than they "do-as-I-say"). I always find it refreshing and encouraging when other parents are honest about mistakes they have made, so I will share with you a recent parenting flop of my own.
It happened a few months back. It seemed as though I was constantly telling my girls to clean up their room. The three of them share a very small bedroom which can all too quickly become crowded and messy. As my husband so eloquently puts it, "Just drop an M&M on the floor and the place is a shambles!" After countless exercises of picking up and putting away and giving directions on where to put things, I was done. At the end of the day I walked into the bedroom to tuck them all in and found myself nearly falling to my death (exaggeration), tripping on toys just to get to the side of Laura's bed. In an uncontrolled outburst of frustration and irritation I scooped up everything from the floor and said something to the effect of "If you're not going to keep your stuff picked up then you're not responsible enough to keep it!" I stormed out of the room, arms full of stuffies (which happened to be Laura's), with shouts of "No! Mommy, NOOOOO!!!" and the patter of bare feet following close behind. It might sound funny now, but the whole scene was very disturbing. I was angry and raising my voice. Laura was completely exasperated and yelling back at me. The other girls were crying because of the commotion and the negative "energy" created by the strife...What a failure! This is exactly what God's Word instructs us not to do.
Ephesians 6:4 -- "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."
It didn't take long for me to realize that I had handled the whole situation entirely wrong. I knew I needed to apologize to all the girls and also give Laura a chance to pick up her toys instead of stuffing them into a garbage bag headed for the nearest thrift store. I usually like to give my kids fair warning, you know. If I had previously told them the consequence for leaving toys all over the floor was that I would take them and get rid of them, then I would have felt justified in taking them...though never justified in the manner and emotion in which I did so. The room was not picked up because I had not yet succeeded in thoroughly training my children to do so. How utterly unfair of me to punish them for something I failed in. So far, I had trained them that they can leave stuff lying around and get away with it. It is the parents' responsibility to train their children. I once read a good quote, "There are no bad kids, just bad parenting". I think there is a lot of truth to that.
Well, here is how it ended...I wanted to go and undo the chaos I had just caused. I wanted to return Laura's stuffed animals to her and explain to them all that Mommy had acted wrongly and Jesus would never act that way. However, another dynamic was now present in the situation. Laura, being completely "provoked to wrath" by me, was now screaming in anger at me. She hurtled a few insults but was quickly stopped by Luke when he heard her yelling at me. As Luke and I privately discussed the whole situation, we decided that we could no longer return Laura's toys to her because of how she had shown such disrespect towards me. Laura was too mad to look at me as I explained how I knew I had acted wrongly and that sometimes Mommies and Daddies make wrong decisions but usually realize it and fix it later. I apologized and told her I would like to have given all her stuff back but I couldn't because of how she had acted. I prayed with her and afterward she broke down and cried even harder, apologizing for yelling at me. We hugged and we both cried tears of relief and reconciliation. All was forgiven.
The whole situation was unfortunate, but, as you can see, we learned a few things from it. I am so thankful for God's forgiveness in my life, and also that my children are so forgiving with me. It seems as though I often have to say sorry to them for something and they are always quick to forgive and embrace me. I love my little ones so much and thank God every day that He has blessed me with the privilege of being their mommy.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
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